i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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