whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
