My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
