He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
