I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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