you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
