dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
