Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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