gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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