I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize