woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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