ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
