y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Soap is not a condiment
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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