My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
