Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
