i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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