Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize