i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
