Betty ford says i'm here all night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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