i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
