New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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