The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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