I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
