Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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