what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
