He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
