Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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