Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
