I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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