You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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