please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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