I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
