Apparently you make a good broom.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
