Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
