I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
