Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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