also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
