Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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