Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
