Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
