I can tuck mytits in my pants
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
