Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
