Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
