The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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