just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
