I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
