never play flip cup with pint glasses
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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