I have demons in me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
