Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I cut my penus on the lid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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