The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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