I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
