Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize