ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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