TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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