He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
