Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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