please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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