My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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