I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
