he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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