She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
