Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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