p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
