Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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