Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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