How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
