I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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