I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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