Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
