Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
