Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
