Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
