I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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