Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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