she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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