I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
