im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize