Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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