Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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